to our baby...

dearest one,
right now you are a thought in my mind, a frequent day dream, someone i long to create in my imagination but i don't even know where to begin.  i don't know you yet.  i can't see you, i don't hear your cry or your laugh.  i can't imagine what your eyes look like or how your little body moves around.   i don't know how old you are or how big you are.  i long to see you but i can't.

but there is One who sees you.  Our God sees you.  we have a God who knows each line of your face when you cry and each grunt you make as you roll around in your sleep.  he thought of you before you were known to this world.  i'm so thankful that we have a God who knows us.  who knows you.

today i read through John.  i read about our Savior and all that He had to say about life.  he said that to all who receive him, he gives the right to become children of God.  we can be God's children.  he spoke of the eternal life that we can have in God.  he spoke of the light of life that is found in him.  he spoke of fullness of joy that is found in him.  there is promise of eternal joy, eternal life, eternal peace.  but it didn't come without cost.  it was our Jesus who purchased these rights for us.  he has given himself that we could join him in sonship.  he has given himself, given his life that we could find real life.

i don't know how you will feel as you grow up and think about your past or about where you came from. whatever you feel is okay and it's real.  but there is one thing that i want you to always remember.  we have a God who has always seen you.  we have a God who as always felt with you.  we have a God who loves you, who knows you, and who deeply cares for you.  we have a God who heard your cries and cried with you.  we also have a God that, despite all of the brokenness and hurt that we see around us, has promised that all things will be restored.  that one day there will be no more hungry bellies, or tears, or loneliness, or hurt.  he will come.  he will bring life. joy. peace. pleasure. forever. in the presence of the Father.  so no matter what our pasts hold as we look forward there is a certain light that we are waiting for.  Jesus is coming…




i wrote this a few months ago.  today is orphan sunday in america.  pray for children today.  pray for our child.  pray that the kingdom of God break through for families at risk of separation, pray for restoration, pray for Godly families to be called by God to adopt.  ask God if you are called to adopt or support an adoption.  pray for the hearts of orphans to be supernaturally mended by God, for needs to be met, for these fatherless to know their Father in heaven.  pray for their salvation.  pray that they will know hope… though it may seem far from them in this world, pray they know and anticipate the beauty of the restoration that will come when Jesus returns… the hope that is certain in Him.  

lomba nyanyi

a few weeks ago mary competed in a singing competition with her school.  it was a big event at a (very old and potentially dangerous) amusement park… but my kids rode many rides are alive to tell about it.  :)  while they were busy playing i took a few photos of the adorable kids around me.  indonesian kids are just so cute!  

and to give you a window into our lives as foreigners here… this is the photo moments before i took the above photo.  i was kneeling down waiting for the mom to move and as soon as she did they saw me.  they started yelling, "watch out, watch out… there's a bule (white person)!"  the expression in that kid's eyes crack me up… clearly i'm a rare sight in his world.  :)

and here is mary singing.  she was beside herself with excitement.  it was so cute!  i love her goofy smile before they started their song.

and here are the singers is in action….  

they ended up getting fourth place in their division and she was so excited.  i loved seeing her with such joy on stage in front of so many people… i was a proud mama.  i also loved hearing the two americans sing their
patriotic indonesian songs with such gusto!

i know how you feel, luke.

luke just turned the water on for the bath tub but the shower was on.  he was startled and started screaming and sobbing.  danny went running to the bath and was trying to make light of the catastrophe to calm luke down.  he happily said "it's like it's raining!  do i need to take you to the hospital?  do you need to go to america?!?"  and luke, through his sobs says, "i want to go to america… i want to live there foreevvveeeerrrr."   still sobbing, "is it cold there?  can i wear a jacket?!"  danny makes some funny comment and luke is already laughing… within minutes i hear luke telling mary how funny it was when the water showered on his head.  

i was listening to all this take place while finishing a sudoku puzzle in my room... i know, mom of the year right?!?  well, it kind of is our parenting philosophy… i don't always want to jump in and take opportunities from danny to care for and comfort the kids.  i digress.  back to me hearing luke's ridiculous wailing and the conversation that preceded…  i immediately thought, "i feel you, buddy.  i know exactly how you feel!"  we love indonesia and we're thankful to live here… but i'd be lying if i said i never said, through my tears, that same thing… " i want to go to america… i want to live there foreevvveeerrrr…."  it comes in phases… sometimes that comes out of my mouth every few months and sometimes it's every few weeks.  usually it comes after some major "catastrophe", equivalent to water falling on luke's head.  perhaps when i just want my house to feel normal (bug/rat/termite free and not 95 degrees) or when i want to make dinner but the i have to go to three stores to find chicken, broccoli and cheese (i mean, those are staples people!) or sometimes it's more serious, like when i just want to go out with "the girls" in america and laugh until it hurts.  but almost always, i'm fine within a few minutes or hours, just like luke.  i pray, God graciously reminds me that He hears my cry and is always enough and i have what i need to go on.  

sometimes i think it's the reality of life here… and that's okay.  i'm thankful that we have a God who can listen to our emotions and not judge us, however ridiculous or serious they may be.  and i'm also thankful that i can laugh at things that brought me to tears in the moment… like when i peeled out in a parking garage and fell off my motorcycle and my indonesian flashcards went flying everywhere (just like i imagine happening to the nerds in saved by the bell) and a stranger picked up my motorcycle and i got on and drove off without looking at anyone… bloody arm, weepy face and all.  apparently i didn't have the right registration to go into the parking garage but because we had only been here 2 months i had no idea what was going on… like a 3 year old.  like luke.  it wasn't funny then, but it is now.


**photo taken months ago in a blow up pool… though we have a very ugly bathroom our bathtub is not bright blue, luckily**

idul adha 1435

last week muslims all across the world celebrated idul adha.  it is the remembrance of God providing an animal for Abraham to sacrifice in place of his son. the morning starts with a corporate prayer time and then the sacrifice takes place.  here is a little look into the day.  

warning… these are graphic images.  

after the animals are sacrificed, they are cleaned, cut and divided by the men.  inside there is a group of women dividing the meat into 2lb bags to give to those in need.  there are families watching and kids playing with the goats. it's a full community event.

luke had the role of giving every goat their "last supper"… he loved feeding them and chatting with the people there.  

our kids actually watched a cow being sacrificed this year.  it gruesome but it's reality here.  they know that animals were sacrificed in the Old Testament and they know about the sacrifice of Jesus.  we were able to talk about what it meant for Jesus to be called the Lamb of God; He was the last and perfect sacrifice from God, for the forever forgiveness of our sins.  the reality is my sin put me in a place to receive death, but instead Jesus was sacrificed on humanities' behalf so that we all may have life.  we have much to be thankful for.  

that evening we had dinner with some of our friends who received the 2lbs of meat.  this is the only day of the year they make sate (grilled meat).  they don't have the traditional sate grill so they used some stones/bricks to make one.  usually the charcoal is fanned the entire time the meat is grilling, so they plugged a fan in on one side and fanned the other side with old plywood.  i think their set up is pretty creative.  :)  these photos aren't amazing, but i wanted to show the ending to the day… and where we usually hang out with our friends.  

the boys playing… 

luke and alif helping fanning the flames.

and then i put my camera away and enjoyed a stick of meat with friends.  :)  

mimi and papa have come and gone...

mimi and papa came last month and it was such a fun time.  i am so thankful that my parents come here so frequently… my kids absolutely LOVE the time with them.  

we went to taman safari, which is always fun.  my parents get to be the brave souls to take pictures with these animals.  so glad they got to do it rather than me.  way to go, mimi!  i couldn't get a photo in focus because i was so shaky and worried that little cat was going to go after my babies.  :)

mimi and papa were playing games with luke while waiting for the dolphin show… he couldn't figure out who was tapping his shoulder.  nice work, mimi.  

and then he proudly showed me his booger.  he's so gross. 

we did a little dental clinic in my bedroom one day.  fixed a few of our neighbor's teeth and then one of mine.  luke also gave mimi a routine physical.  

we also went to a village around mount bromo to run a 10k.  it was one of my favorite weekends last year and i convinced my dad how fun it was.  well, i got sick the day before and i wasn't able to run it.  sad!  but, the kids loved walking around the village and giving the runners high fives as they ran by.  

we also fit in a few yummy dinners out.  i really wanted to get pictures of my kids with mimi and papa this visit because i always regret not having more.  here is mary trying to convince luke to get in the picture.  i love her little face, she is such a mama to him.  she is also wearing a special necklace.  these are pearls that my grandmother gave me when i was younger.  mary knows they are from my grandma and are very special to me.  occasionally when she dresses up she asks if she can wear the special pearls.  thanks, grandma jb.  i love to see my little girl wear something special from you!  :)

mary and her best friend, mimi.  :)

and then we said goodbye.  luke has always been in love with papa and usually wants to be with him… but the last few days mimi won his heart.  it was so sweet.  here he is smashing his face against hers trying to make her laugh.  he's such a ham!  

luke is my emotional guy… it was the first time i think he understood that they were leaving and he wouldn't see them for awhile.  he teared up a few times later that day thinking of them… it was so sweet.  thanks for coming mom and dad!  we miss you and can't wait to see you again!  

rough days and rats

it hasn't been the best of days around here.  luke has been sick (for the second time this month)… and he's so very pathetic.  he starts coughing… then has a hard time breathing, his tummy hurts from coughing, he wheezes and pants and groans.  he wouldn't be away from me for about 48 hours.  eat, sleep, bathroom.  all of it he was on my lap.  awesome.

two things i'm thankful for from these last two rough days… first of all, i listened to a "mom talk" as i was holding his hand trying to get him to sleep last night (for 2 hours).  it helped change my perspective… i went from frustration because i just wanted to be in my bed to thankful that i could be a comfort to him.  i'm reading a book and the author dedicates it to her parents saying "before i knew what God thought of me, I knew what you thought of me, and it set me up to follow your reckless faith…"  i've been thinking about that lately.  though we will never be able to love as God does, i want to give myself to love my kids well so that they will know the extravagant love God has for them.  then, they will grow up looking for the kindness and goodness of God because He certainly is kind and good.  

the second thing i'm thankful for is that because luke was sick he was up in the night twice… at the exact time that a rat was chewing his way into our kitchen.  twice!  our kitchen is half wall, half screen. it's always been part screen and there have always been rats.  but last night i was up twice (the first time i woke danny up because i heard them in our kitchen) and both times as we went into the kitchen it ran out the hole it had just chewed in our screen.  we have caught a lot of baby rats (which i hate but can deal with… kind of.  except the time i stepped on one when i went to the bathroom at night.  that made me jumpy and crazy for days.)  but, i really hate the big ones.  they are HUGE here and i just hate them.  we weren't able to get the screen fixed today.  so, we have four different approaches to keeping them away tonight.  sweet potatoes, peppermint oil, moth balls, and traps.  so, this sounds like complaining… and it is a little bit and i feel okay about it… but i really am thankful that luke woke up in the night at just the right time.  who knows what that rat would have done in our kitchen… 

the pictures are totally unrelated but i think they're funny.  mary's grumpy face more represents mine and luke's the last two days and luke's happy face is how mary has been.  the girl loves her brother.  she has been overly sweet and thoughtful towards him while he hasn't felt well.  giving up cuddle time with me, letting him choose the video (because we've watched a lot of them!), getting his water, blanket, crayons, and everything else he's asked for.  

i'm hoping i wake up to a healthy boy and no evidence of rats in our kitchen… but if not, God is still good. 

they love school! usually.

it's catch up time on the blog...

a few months ago mary performed in her school's end of the year performance.  it was really cute.  the kids had different costumes and dances from different people groups around the country (indonesia is an incredibly diverse place!).  we love her school… it's God-centered, small, creative, and our kids love it!  it's in indonesian though a few teachers can speak a bit of english and the head master is super fluent (so she helps the kids if they need it).  we've been so thankful for it… it seems like a great fit for our kids.  

and a few weeks after the performance school started back up.  their first day of school… mary in TK-B (which is equivalent to kindergarten here) and luke in Playgroup B.  mary goes from 8-11:30 everyday and luke goes 8-10 everyday.  

luke had a bit of a hard time going to school at first (and then again after he was out sick for a few days) but i think he's finally going in without hesitation now… as of two days ago.  :)  mary screamed for about 3 months every.single.day when she was in playgroup so i feel like luke is doing pretty well.  but even when they were sad to go in they always came out so happy and love telling me about what they did at school that day.  he likes to report on the naughty kids everyday… i think it's hilarious because as if he isn't naughty!?!  :)  mary loves school also.  she is starting to speak more and more indonesian… she has been slow to communicate it so it's fun to see it finally coming out of her mouth.  she loves her teachers and always wants to make crafts and invite them over for lunch after school.  one day you may get an invitation, miss esther.  :)  

the other beauty of their school is that there is a gym in the same building so i get to work out without kids everyday!  it's been a long, long time since i've been this consistent in exercising and i'm really enjoying it.  and i'm meeting all kinds of interesting women… unlike any i've met here in indonesia.  :)  i just kind of laugh and awkwardly walk out of the locker room thinking 'did she really just say that?!?' with each new situation i learn something new here.